As I've stated several times in that past, I'm a writer. I tend to believe that there are several groups of writers. There are the aspiring writers, the weekend writers and the ones who are writers, but no one ever see's their work and its a mystery. There is also the regular writers, the ones who write and write because its part of their job.
I don't want to be a weekend or aspiring writer. I want to be Stephen King worker writer. I want to write because when I do I feel better mentally. Writing has been something that I wanted to do since I was in second grade and won the James Madison Creative Writing Contest. That's right, I won it. I was at this moment a writer.
I dabbled in poetry, I had a teacher who loved my poetry. My mom was a HUGE fan. She would say with that wistful look in her eyes that I was born to be a writer.
I lost my way. I would get great idea's, I would write screenplays. I believed that my lack of knowledge of perfect grammar, that I would suck at being a writer. I always knew that there were novels in me. Tons of novels. I allowed my own inner demons stop me from writing.
About six years ago I decided to give it a try and its been work since. I want it to be my job, my livelihood. I want to be paid to do this, but having said that- I don't do it to get paid. I do it because I need to.
OK. So today. Right now. I have a great story. I have a character that I love to write. I have not one, but three outlines for novels. Big novels.
I also am suffering from writers block. Writers block isn't just, "Oh, I can't writer I have no ideas." It's also, I have a two year old who needs supervision all the time. I have literally thirty minutes a day to write. As I am writing this right now my two year old is trying to yank out the disk drive tray.
Also the characters are quiet. They aren't talking to me.
In January I signed up to do a crafty pay it forward and I'm so glad my friend Jennifer sent me knitting needles and a book. At first I was pretty incredulous and figured that it would go the way of my crochet hoot, but I love it. I caught the bug. Knitting is filling the hole of not writing for the moment, it relaxes me and soothes me and helps slow my brain down. Thankfully it's a forgiving hobby and while I can throw it down to chase my kid.
Hopefully soon I can get back to doing what I need to do. I need to figure out my schedule so I can be kind to myself. Why am I always so hard on myself? Why is anyone.
Anyway there it is why I've been gone for so long. I'm thinking I might fill in some blogs with knitting posts lol you've all been warned.
