Knitting and Writers Block.

As I've stated several times in that past, I'm a writer. I tend to believe that there are several groups of writers. There are the aspiring writers, the weekend writers and the ones who are writers, but no one ever see's their work and its a mystery. There is also the regular writers, the ones who write and write because its part of their job.

I don't want to be a weekend or aspiring writer. I want to be Stephen King worker writer. I want to write because when I do I feel better mentally. Writing has been something that I wanted to do since I was in second grade and won the James Madison Creative Writing Contest. That's right, I won it. I was at this moment a writer.

I dabbled in poetry, I had a teacher who loved my poetry. My mom was a HUGE fan. She would say with that wistful look in her eyes that I was born to be a writer.

I lost my way. I would get great idea's, I would write screenplays. I believed that my lack of knowledge of perfect grammar, that I would suck at being a writer. I always knew that there were novels in me. Tons of novels. I allowed my own inner demons stop me from writing.

About six years ago I decided to give it a try and its been work since. I want it to be my job, my livelihood. I want to be paid to do this, but having said that- I don't do it to get paid. I do it because I need to.

OK. So today. Right now. I have a great story. I have a character that I love to write. I have not one, but three outlines for novels. Big novels.

I also am suffering from writers block. Writers block isn't just, "Oh, I can't writer I have no ideas." It's also, I have a two year old who needs supervision all the time. I have literally thirty minutes a day to write. As I am writing this right now my two year old is trying to yank out the disk drive tray.

Also the characters are quiet. They aren't talking to me.

In January I signed up to do a crafty pay it forward and I'm so glad my friend Jennifer sent me knitting needles and a book. At first I was pretty incredulous and figured that it would go the way of my crochet hoot, but I love it. I caught the bug. Knitting is filling the hole of not writing for the moment, it relaxes me and soothes me and helps slow my brain down. Thankfully it's a forgiving hobby and while I can throw it down to chase my kid.

Hopefully soon I can get back to doing what I need to do. I need to figure out my schedule so I can be kind to myself. Why am I always so hard on myself? Why is anyone.

Anyway there it is why I've been gone for so long. I'm thinking I might fill in some blogs with knitting posts lol you've all been warned.

The Anniversary of Grief.

March 14th, 1996. 

That date changed my life forever.  This year marks the 18th anniversary of that date.  I can remember details as if it happened yesterday.  I can remember everything that happened to me, and I can visualize the details I read on paper, and heard in second, third, fifth hand accounts. 

You see, it was an early misty Thursday morning, still dark outside.  The sun was just about to break the seal on the horizon and provide light.  The streets were wet from rain the night before.  A man was doing what he'd done thousands of times before:  he was going to work.  That morning, fate, kismet, blind horrible random luck was against him.  In less than five seconds, the man who gave the greatest hugs and had carpenter hands, changed and became something else.  He became a memory.

My father was a beautifully flawed, amazing human being.  He knew he was flawed, and that knowledge made him both humble and hilarious.  On March 14th, 1996, he was in a car accident that resulted in his death a few hours later. 

According to the DSM IV, grief that lasts longer than six months can be a disorder. There are other guidelines to be sure.  For example, females are more prone to it.  The point I wanted to make is to say that I somewhat feel that "Complicated Grief Disorder" is in itself complicated.  Grief is not like your average emotion.  The greatest lesson I have learned in my life with grief is that it has no shape; it's fluid and ever changing.  How I handle my grief today is not how I may handle it tomorrow or next week. 

It makes me sad when people say to someone else, or even to themselves, that they "need to get over it."  They treat it as if it was a flu or head cold.  I can just rest and this grief will go.  We by our very nature are here to love and be loved.  When we lose someone we love, I think it is very natural to grieve.  Always.  Perhaps the disorder is that you can't function and it triggers depression.  I think grief is something that seasons your soul and you carry it with you always. 

I was 18 years old when I lost my dad.  I was 27 years old when I lost my mom.  I remember the deaths of both my grandmothers, and while I was sad for that, it was nowhere near the grief I felt when I lost my parents. 

On Friday, it will be the last day that I had my dad alive longer than he has been dead.  This anniversary has been terribly hard on me.  I can't help but feel like I am losing a part of him again.  I still remember how his hands looked, his mannerisms, his laughter, and how he could roll the R in my name for three minutes.  I can't remember the exact shade of blue of his eyes.  I can't tell you exactly what voice he used when he was making my favorite stuff animal talk.  I don't remember so many details.  I fear that I lose a detail of him every day. 

When you know someone who has lost someone, never assume that they are experiencing the same level of grief that you are.  I know how it feels to lose my parents, but I look at my son playing around right now and I get sick thinking of the grief of losing a child. 

This year is filled with fresh grief, and panic.  Time doesn't really remove grief.  It certainly doesn't heal it; you just get better with living with it.  I hate this anniversary.  I miss him more than ever.  I want him back and I want to watch him play with his grandchildren he never got to meet.  No I don't think it was his time, and no I don't think heaven needed any angels.  I think it was random and horrible and I feel the rage still that I adopted that day.  It is now as much a part of me as the birthmark on my elbow and my love of the color yellow. 

In the grief I move forward.  I laugh, I play with my son.  I look forward to my future.  I will always carry my grief of losing my parents, and I will always feel a pang when I see a dad walk his daughter down the aisle or a mom and daughter getting a mani/pedi together.  I choose to not let it define me.  It is a part of me, but not what I am made of. 

The Odd's End ~ A Curiosity Shop

I try to support local businesses whenever I can. There is something about going into a shop that is off the beaten path and finding something that will add a bit of charm to your home, or be a muse to your creativity.  I wanted to write a blog about a shop that I have yet to find another like. Most of the time when you come to a "Curiosity" shop, it's just a flea market with a fancy name. That is so not the case with The Odd's End.

Located at 2774 College Avenue, Avondale Estates, Georgia, The Odd's End is described by the owner and operator Merrick Mixson as "A large old Victorian house where it seems like it shouldn't be, sporting ghosts and curiosities."  The shop offers all kinds of interesting and fascinating items.
 

Creepy Crawly Specimens

This is not your typical little shop around the corner. This is a shop with a sense of organized chaos, which I think looks amazing. You could spend a whole day and not see all the items that are for sale. You can tell by looking around that each item was picked out and bought for the store with an eye for things not normally found in the mainstream, which is a huge bonus to me. I don't want some dusty antique store - some place where you feel like you can't touch anything or look too closely. I want to go into a Curiosity Shop and feel, well curious. 

Old Fashioned Kid Cage... 

Speaking with the owner, Merrick Mixson, you get a sense of how much he loves his shop and the pride he takes in it. When I asked him to tell me about The Odd's End he said, "I have always loved the bizarre and creepy, so I love hosting a shop full of it to turn other people onto it. The hunting is most of the fun. Two floors full of fun that also hosts bizarre works by local artists."

Some of the interesting collectables to be found.

 
Mr. Mixson also describes himself as "An eccentric owner that usually has his rather large Malamute by his side."

Honestly you can't get much more small or local than this gem. There are also hints and rumors that the shop is haunted (Please share any ghostly happenings when you visit the shop). The Odd's End is a very charming Victorian house filled with amazing items like antique medical instruments, apothecary items, skeletons, skulls, ancient weapons and pickled specimens. If you're in the market for a present of the most unusual, or if you want something for your own collection, The Odd's End will have something for you. 

 

Carved out of deer bone...

So you don't live near Atlanta Georgia and you still want to check out The Odd's End? Have no fear, you can check it out on Facebook! The Facebook page is ran by the owner and he'll answer any questions you might have. In fact Mr. Mixson is one of my favorite people to talk to. He knows enough about just about anything, but not enough to sound like a text book :)

Please go by the shop, the address is 2774 College Avenue. Avondale Estates, Georgia 30030. If you can't please visit the Facebook page.






The Odd's End Facebook page.

Sour Grapes and Bashing Your Profession

On February 21th, 2014, a blog was posted that sent every Harry Potter fan "to the mattresses." I’m using that Godfather reference because this blog post angered so many so fast that the Potter Fan base went to Amazon.com to do the kind of damage that they can. They started to give the author of the blog, Lynn Shepherd, 1 star ratings on everything she's ever had published. Had they read anything she's ever written? Nope.

This blog was posted via Huffington Post UK, so it was bound to get a ton of attention. I am almost sure that she knew that going in. She wrote a blog basically saying that J.K. Rowling, the author of the much beloved Harry Potter series, should give up writing for profit. Well no, that’s not exactly the gist of what she wrote was- Rowling could keep writing her children books, but she needed to get out of the adult market because she's had her turn. (Don't worry; I'll link the original blog by Lynn Shepherd so you can read it yourself in all its glory.) 

Who hasn't heard the stories of Ms. Rowling writing Harry Potter in a coffee shop, while cuddling her infant child? That she took Harry Potter to several publishing houses and got turned down more than once. I think she is the ultimate success story. She fought hard and got published. Her story was good on its own and it became a success. 

 Obviously, I have few problems with Ms. Shepherd's blog post.

She has a big problem with adults who read "children’s stories." The books/movies she has posted she has neither read nor seen one minute of. She hinted at this in the first part of her blog. She didn't really go into it, but I'm thinking based on other statements in the blog she has a problem with adults who read children stories because they aren't reading "adult" books like those she writes. She does make the back handed statement that "any reading is better than no reading." 

I got angry just reading that again to get the quote right. I read. I read everything I can get my hands on. I feel it is the very job of a writer to read as much as they write. I'm currently writing this blog, with my two year old son helping me - and by helping me he is handing me his Legos so I can pull them apart for him. I do this every couple of minutes. My point is that tonight after he goes to bed, and when I get a quiet moment to myself I'm going to read. I think a writer who doesn't read whatever is out there is doomed to be a boring writer. Reading is like training is to a runner. You train, you run. I read, I write. 

I have read all of the Harry Potter books. When I read them I didn't have a child. Now that I do have a child I am very excited at the idea of reading them to him. Ms. Shepherd has no idea what she is missing. She is going by a label on a shelf in the book store. I wonder if she just walks in and passes up the fun stuff and goes straight to her little section of the bookstore. That sounds kinda lonely. When my husband and I go to the bookstore it's like a mini vacation. We are tourists in the land of make believe. I'm sitting here trying to think of one section of the bookstore I haven't checked out. 

This isn't even really the biggest problem I have with her blog post. 

The fact that she tells Ms. Rowlings to go back to children's writing, because that is not in a market that is her target, angers me. She had her run in the adult world and she needs to step down. Why did she attack J.K. Rowling and not Stephen King? He writes adult fiction and spends a great deal of the time on the top of the charts. She did it because she writes what she calls "Literary Murder." She references all the authors that she is inspired by and not one of them are alive today. She's Charles Dickens and Jane Austin all the way and she decided to throw in some Law and Order for good measure. If J.K. Rowling hadn't been revealed for writing a good Crime novel "The Cuckoo's Calling,"  it might not have went from selling poorly to being a huge hit. 

I am almost amused that Ms. Shepherd is calling her out on this.  I mean she wrote it, used a pen name and I think was happy to let it sit there. But word got out as it often does and it becomes a hit - not to mention it is actually a good read. 

To sum this up, Lynn Shepherd went from the highest amount of comments on her blog being 3 to over 600. That's a huge jump. Now people are talking about her.  Did she realize it would possibly be career suicide by pissing off readers and other authors? Even Anne Rice had some pretty great things to say and by that I mean she put the smack down in words on Lynn Shepherd. 

I'm a writer. I've said that. I can't imagine ever asking anyone to stop writing so I could have my shot. No, I think of J.K. Rowlings cuddling her baby and working on the magic that is Harry Potter. I think about Stephen King keeping all his rejection letters and using them to make himself work harder. In this world that you get a medal for just showing up I think some people have forgotten about the hard work and absolute determination it takes to get published. When my novel is finished, and it's a Sci-Fi/murder mystery, I will not ask Dennis Lehane to give up writing or call my local bookstore and insist they remove all of the works of Robert Heinlein. I will be grateful for the rejection because when it's finally there the reward of being publish will be so sweet. Even if it never happens I write for myself and I write to do better than the last story, to learn something new every time I sit down at my keyboard. Isn't that the point? 

Lynn Shepherd to me is doing this for the fame. She's basically written a blog post the same as a "celeb" drops a sex tape. It's pretty shameful she can't enjoy the fact that she has novels for sale on Amazon.com and just enjoy that she gets to do what she loves for a living

This is how this writer-writes :)

Here is the Shepherd Blog

Under the Sea! California Reefs Delivers

    We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch - we are going back from whence we came.

~ John F. Kennedy 

I grew up in Southern California and enjoyed many weekends going to the tide pools with my family. I can still remember so clearly the ocean spray hitting me on the face, and feeling my cheeks getting pinker from wind and sun. I think roughly about four-thousand of my freckles are from those weekends spent out at the beach - maybe more. 

As life happens, we move out of state- away from the beach and for me it has been like leaving a part of my soul just sitting at the other end of the country. For awhile we lived in Alabama and now we're in New Mexico. (I'm getting closer!) How can I bring the magic of the ocean to my two year old son? This is so important to me. He is only two but he's the strong silent type. While we work on getting him talking, I began to notice that he loves to watch things moving. He wants to be involved in this world. During walks he is very curious about bugs and tumbleweeds. I began to wonder how can I bring him more to experience? 

My husband and I have been toying with the idea of a fish tank. Growing up my dad had one. It was home to a few frogs and some guppies. I remember him complaining as he cleaned it, but he did it. There might also have been a sucker fish, whom my father thought was pretty lazy. I remember a few frogs escaping and I like to think they made it back to a fresh water creek. Where that creek is located in Temple City California is beyond me, but I like to think that. Magic. I didn't want to go with a fresh water tank - I wanted something more. 

There are A MILLION hits on Google for all kinds of salt water tanks. I wanted something else though. I wanted more help, more opinions, like 'What is the smallest tank I can get that would be useful but small?"  We live in an apartment, I don't want something I can't move easily. In this world that anything can be found at a click of a mouse button I wanted more interaction. I found it. 

It's a new forum called California Reefs ( www.californiareefs.com) and it's just starting out (just like me!), but there is a wealth of information and the web operator guy is very helpful (Hi Salty!!)  I have been to so many web forums over the years, but this one is very helpful and incredibly friendly. I'm so glad I signed up and joined. I haven't gotten my salt water tank yet. YET. I'm still learning and there is a lot to know. It's not just dumping salt into a water tank and throwing in some salt water fish. I'm very excited that this is going to be a new family thing to do together and I want my son to have a part of the sea even if we aren't able to go to the tide pools every weekend. The great thing is he'll have his own tide pools in his room and how great would it be for that to be parts of his happy childhood memories, much like the ones of my dad are a part of mine. 

So the rundown on my review of this site is thus: It's very new, but the people who run it are very intelligent and knowledgeable. It is very friendly, and great for the family. From my interaction I'd give it a 5 star rating and I can't imagine that will go down much. So if you are in the market for a salt water tank system and need help, or if you have one and you want to share that love, go visit California Reefs (www.californiareefs.com). Please say hi to Salty for me  You can also say hi to me! I'm on there as well. :)